


Shades of Blue

by Anon_H



Series: Bag o gifts [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack | Rarepair, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Equius gets curious about the humans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shades of Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hasilith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasilith/gifts).



**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 09:20--**

CT:D--> Human.   
CT:D--> I wish to converse.   
CT:D--> You will ind001ge me and not attempt to ridic001 me like that insufferable rustb100d   
EB: err….. that’s cool, i think?   
EB: wait, are you one of those trolls, like Vriska or Karkat?   
CT:D--> I am.   
CT:D--> I am glad you know of my species. This will benefit our correspondence.    
EB: yeah, you guys are pretty funny.   
EB: karkat’s always good for a laugh.   
CT:D--> If at all possible, I w001d like to avoid discussing our leader.   
CT:D--> The subject makes me……. uncomfortable.   
EB: uhm……. alright? that’s cool i guess.   
EB: but if you know karkat then you know vriska as well right?   
CT:D-->Hnrk…. Perhaps it is for the best if we w001d avoid the subject of my teammates altogether.   
EB: do they all make you uncomfortable?   
EB: that’s kinda silly.   
EB: is it one of your alien things?   
CT:D-->I suggest we change the course of this conversation.   
CT:D-->I came here to see how well the alien b100b100ds fared.   
CT:D-->Thus far you fail to impress.   
CT:D-->Though you managed to keep the leadership of your team out of the hands of the seadweller, which deserves recognition.   
EB: the seadweller?   
CT: D-->The verbose human that enjoys hearing herself talk.   
EB: oh, you mean rose.   
EB: yeah she’s pretty cool. she’s really clever, but i don’t think she wants to be leader.   
CT:D--> E%actly.   
CT:D--> You sh001d be leader, as indeed you are.   
CT:D--> You take the reins of your team. You order those lesser b100ds around and you rule as their superior.   
CT:D--> You show dominance and punish those who dare step out of line.   
CT:D--> As is e%pected of you.   
EB: hehe oh wauw. Sorry man, i am not that kinda leader.   
CT:D--> I beg your pardon?   
EB: i am more like an uhm…. friendleader?   
EB: a palhoncho?   
EB: a comrade commander?   
EB: a buddychief?   
EB: no, that doesn’t work :/   
CT:D--> These words fail to make sense.   
EB: oh. well the point is, i am not really superior to my teammates.   
EB: we’re all just goofing around really.   
CT:D--> That is rather disappointing.   
CT:D--> How do you e%pect to win the game without ordering your inferiors around?   
CT:D--> To be frank, it sounds abso100tely f001ish.   
EB: well yeah, but it’s necessary in our human biology.   
CT:D--> Pardon?   
EB: yeah, if we have to listen to too many orders our heads explode.   
EB: it is really disgusting.   
EB: (hehehehehe)   
CT:D--> Fascinating. I did not know a species c001d survive with such a basic flaw in their anatomy.   
EB: well, there’s a lot about us you don’t know about.   
CT:D--> This is true.   
CT:D--> I think this shall suffice for our first conversation.   
CT:D--> You shall hear from me at a later time.   
EB: ok, that’s cool i guess.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 09:43--**

 

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:54--**

CT:D--> I suspect you have been dishonest regarding the e%ploding of human craniums.   
EB: uhm?   
CT:D--> I have tested this method on the human with the foul mouth.   
CT:D--> His thinkpan remained frustratingly intact.    
EB: haha, oh man i was kidding.   
EB: why would you even try that out?   
CT:D--> I thought he was a nuisance.   
EB: hmmm….. :(   
CT:D--> It was a victimless e%periment.   
EB: except for Dave who risked exploding?!   
CT:D--> This w001d have been the case had you not misled me regarding your human thinkpans.   
EB: still rude.   
EB: are you also plotting to kill us trough increasingly roundabout ways?   
EB: cause i kinda thought our groups were past that….   
CT:D--> I recognize conducting such an e%periment on your human moirail w001d be considered an fau% pas and I apologize.    
CT:D--> I did not realize you had an intimate relation.   
EB: uhm…. we’re don’t. i think. which quadrant was the moirail thing again?   
CT:D--> Regardless, my goal is not to fatally injure your team.   
CT:D--> I am merely interested in conversing with another b100b100d.   
EB: oh, yeah. my blue blood. that’s cool, we can talk about that.   
EB: so what do troll bluebloods do for fun?   
EB: vriska gave me a quick rundown but you don’t strike me as the roleplaying type.   
CT:D--> That drivel is unsuited for aristocracy such as myself. It is e%actly why I am rightfully higher than Serket on the hemospectrum.   
EB: if you say so.   
EB: we really don’t bother with castes and stuff.   
EB: well, i guess some people do. but they are weird.   
CT:D--> Yet you are of a noble hue. Your superiority is evident by your b100d.   
EB: thanks? i think?   
EB: but what really separates your caste from say…. karkat’s?   
CT:D--> I do not know his caste, therefore any answer I w001d provide is ill-informed.   
EB: oh.   
EB: then how is your caste different from vriska’s?   
CT:D--> To put it eloquently blueb100ds and cer001leanb100ds are very close together on the hemospectrum, with very little discernible difference.   
CT:D--> B100b100ds however possess a STRONGER physique, are more cunning and more prone to insanity.   
EB: wait, what was that last part?   
CT:D--> Insanity. The higher a troll is on the hemospectrum the more prone he or she is to insanity.   
EB: that kinda sounds like a bummer.   
CT:D--> It is why we consider moiraillegiance such an e%tremely important quadrant.   
CT:D--> I have been very lucky in that regard.   
EB: that’s cool.   
EB: and what was that about being strong?   
EB: i mean STRONG?   
CT:D--> Haha… hmmph…..   
CT:D--> B100b100ds are blessed with STRONG geneti%. We can only be raised by the most POWERFUL lusii because even as wrigglers we posses incredible strength.   
EB: so how strong are you?   
EB: can you leap tall buildings in a single bound? can you stop a locomotive? Lift Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery with one hand?   
CT:D--> I am not one to brag but all of these feats are well within my capabilities.   
EB: oh man, that is awesome!   
EB: you are like a big time human hero.   
CT:D--> A hero?   
CT:D--> That sounds…… strange.   
EB: yeah, a hero!   
EB: like superman maybe? or the hulk? or just some really strong guy.   
EB: i mean, i got quite some MANGRIT but there’s no way I can do that.   
EB: well, not yet anyways.    
CT:D--> Perhaps you simply need to be trained in the ways of being STRONG.   
EB: oh, are we gonna do like a Mr Miyagi thing?   
CT:D--> I am not familiar with this Myiagi thing. Nevertheless, passing on the ways of being STRONG does sound rather fascinating.   
EB: oh boy.   
CT:D--> John, do you see the southern wall of your room?   
EB: uhm…. this one?   
CT:D--> E%cellent.   
CT:D--> Now break it.   
EB: are you sure?   
CT:D--> I want to see you break it.   
EB: well…. alright then.   
CT:D--> John, what are you doing?   
EB: removing the poster. you cannot expect me to harm any wall baring the image of cameron poe, as portrayed by nicholas cage.   
CT:D--> …… If you must.   
CT:D--> Now proceed to break that wall down.   
CT:D--> John, what is it this time?   
CT:D--> Lay the hammer down.   
EB: but you told me to break the wall!   
CT:D--> With your fists John. Show me your MANGRIT.   
EB: i’m pretty sure that’s physically impossible.   
CT:D--> I command you to break that wall with your fists.   
EB: dude, what?   
CT:D--> Break it. I want to see you tear that wall asunder!   
CT:D--> Oh yes. Show it to me!   
CT:D--> I order you to break it!   
EB: OH FUCK!   
CT:D--> Er…. John?   
EB: MAN that really STINGS!   
CT:D--> ……..This was a disappointment.   
EB: i told you i couldn’t do it!   
CT:D--> Perhaps this is a mental blockage. You sh001d talk about this with your moirail.   
EB: GAH!   
EB: look at my hand!   
EB: man this hurts…..   
CT:D--> I e%pected more from human b100b100ds.   
EB: yeah well, we are strong by human standards. i guess troll’s are just a bit stronger.   
EB: we are best known for just being really funny and clever all the time.   
CT:D--> Really?   
CT:D--> How frivolous.   
EB: yeah well…..   
EB: i am going to get some icing for my hand.   
CT:D--> Very well.    
CT:D--> This has been an educating e%perience John.

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 17:18--**

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 21:31--**

EB: so i was thinking….   
EB: are there ways to start lower on the echeladder of troll strength?   
EB: because i don’t think i’ll be breaking this wall any time soon.   
EB: like troll-baby training perhaps?   
EB: it sounds a little less manly but it’ll spare my knuckles.   
EB: do trolls even have babies?   
CT:D--> We refer to our young as wrigglers.   
CT:D--> And I am unaware of such a training regime.   
CT:D--> The wall was merely a measurement, to see what level of STRENGTH you operate on.   
EB: oh, how did i score?   
CT:D--> Poorly. Are all humans such frail creatures?   
EB: actually i am pretty sure i am the strongest of my group.   
EB: i mean STRONGEST.   
EB: except maybe jade if she fights dirty.   
EB: or dave if he goes all ninja swordskills on me.   
EB: or rose when she starts distracting me with psychological mumbo jumbo.   
CT:D--> Peculiar.   
CT:D--> How many vertical chest lifts can you perform?   
EB: what?   
CT:D--> Pushups. How many can you perform?   
EB: uhm, if i really try maybe fifty?   
CT:D--> Then today you will do a hundred.   
EB: what?!   
EB: that’s insane.   
CT:D--> The fastest way to stim001ate muscle growth is by putting it under stress.   
CT:D--> For ma%imum efficiency, one must surpass one’s limits.   
EB: is that how you became the troll hulk?   
CT:D--> No.   
CT:D--> My strength is entirely natural.   
EB: well that’s just cheating.   
CT:D--> I do not consider it as such.   
EB: blar, this is stupid.   
EB: i’ll get strong the old fashioned way, just you wait.   
CT:D--> I thought e%ercise was considered the old fashioned way.   
EB: nah, i’m just gonna bash a whole lot of imps with hammers and gain levels.   
EB: i am totally going to wreck you in arm-wrestling when our groups meet up.   
CT:D--> …..Are you quite serious?   
EB: yeah!   
EB: i can’t wait for our groups to meet up and meet vriska, karkat and you.   
CT:D--> That was not what I was referring too. Though I am flattered.   
CT:D--> Arm wrestling me is considered a….. safety hazard.    
CT:D--> Hold on.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] wants to send file: Before.jpg--**   
**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] accepted file: Before.jpg--**

EB: what am i looking at?   
CT:D--> This is the wall of my moirail’s chambers prior to a particularly violent outburst.   
CT:D--> As you may have gathered, there is nothing wrong at all with this wall.   
EB: oh.   
EB: haha, i was scouring it like one of those ‘when you see it’ pictures.   
EB: why show me this?   
CT:D--> Because of the state of the wall áfter one of my….. outbursts.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] wants to send file: After.jpg--**   
**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] accepted file: After.jpg--**

EB: oh…..   
EB: wauw.   
CT:D--> Indeed.   
CT:D--> Now you understand why it is ill-advised to challenge me to such competitions.   
EB: honestly, i’m just impressed.   
EB: how did that robot horse even get there?   
CT:D--> It a%identally ejected from my syllade%.   
CT:D--> It took me an hour to recalibrate it.   
EB: you work on robots?   
CT:D--> Well……. Yeah?   
EB: so not only are you super strong, you’re also super smart?   
CT:D--> I w001d say I posses a decent level of intelligence.    
EB: does it actually work or is it just a metal hull?   
CT:D--> It does not possess an updated vocalbo% so there is a little static in the sound.   
CT:D--> The AI is rather lackluster as well, often times failing to recognize doors or other obstacles.   
EB: an ai?   
CT:D--> Ignoring these errors, it is a perfectly functional machine.   
EB: you’re joking right?   
CT:D--> I do not joke about roboti%   
EB: damn. super strength, intelligence…… wait, i got it.   
CT:D--> Got what?   
EB: can you make a metal suit that would boost my strength?   
CT:D--> Hmmm……   
CT:D--> It would certainly be a challenge.   
EB: hehe yeah, it’s kind of a weak joke but there is this earth superhero that uses a powersuit.   
EB: i know it’s just fiction but i thought it was kind cool.   
CT:D--> Fiction?   
CT:D--> I am just trying to figure out how to best start this project.   
EB: what?   
CT:D--> Of course, I lack the schemati% but I am relatively certain I can whip something up.   
EB: really?   
CT:D--> Perhaps.   
CT:D--> Now if you will e%cuse me.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 22:31--**

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:13--**

CT:D--> I just learned a most disturbing fact.   
EB: oh?   
EB: is something wrong?   
CT:D--> I….. I just……   
CT:D--> Hold on, I require a towel.   
EB: sure?   
CT:D--> I just learned that human b100d is uniformly red   
EB: and?   
CT:D--> Does this mean you are a…. hnrk….   
CT:D--> A mutant?   
EB: what?   
EB: oooh, wait. hahahaha, oh man.   
EB: i am sorry dude, i forgot to tell you. i was going to prank you real good but i kinda forgot it with all our convo’s.   
EB: no, my blood is red as well.   
CT:D--> What ill-conceived joke where you planning to mislead me so?   
EB: well, you kept saying i was a blue blood and how noble my color was.   
CT:D--> Because you type as such and…..   
CT:D--> Fiddlesti%!   
CT:D--> Where is my blasted towel!   
EB: i kinda forgot you guys all type in your blood colors.   
CT:D--> Does this mean the human seadweller bleeds red too?   
EB: no, i am pretty sure she has grim blackness running through her veins.   
EB: err, that was another joke. don’t take it seriously.    
CT:D--> This is….100dicrous.   
CT:D--> Completely una%eptable!   
EB: sorry man, would have told you sooner.   
CT:D--> Proof it.   
EB: how?   
EB: i really wanted to tell you sooner but we were talking about STRENGTH and robots so i never got a chance to.   
CT:D--> No.   
CT:D--> Prove to me your blood is really…..   
CT:D--> Red.   
EB: ok, how do I do that?   
CT: D--> Any sharp object will suffice.   
EB: can’t I just blush real hard?   
EB: fine, here goes…. just a tiny cut.   
EB: you know, before we began talking i didn’t hurt myself as much.   
CT:D--> Oh my…..   
CT:D--> This is so SINFUL!    
EB: is it that weird?   
CT:D--> Absol001tely depraved!   
CT:D--> Yes! Oh gods this is maddening!    
CT:D--> This is pure to%ic filth!   
EB: i’ll bandage it up so you won’t have to look i guess..   
CT:D--> No!   
CT:D--> I command you to leave that depravity in full view!   
EB: why?   
CT:D--> This is an erm…. Ancient Alternian custom to shame those who lie about their caste.   
EB: well fine.   
CT:D--> Dear god, that delectable forbidden red….   
CT:D--> Are you?   
CT:D--> No, no you musn’t!   
CT:D--> Stop! This is too depraved!   
CT:D--> WHERE ARE MY TOWELS!   
EB: what?   
CT:D--> You actually licked it…..   
EB: yeah?   
CT:D--> Oh…. Oh my…..   
CT:D--> I need a moment.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:45--**

 

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] at 16:22--**

EB: hey.   
EB: are you ok?   
EB: you seemed kind of out of it last convo.   
CT:D--> I am fine.   
CT:D--> I merely required an e%tensive feelingsjam with my moirail.   
EB: ah ok.   
EB: yeah, that’s cool.   
CT:D--> Incidentally, please create this on the alchemitter.   
CT:D--> AvnGrsAsmbL   
EB: hmm, what’s this?   
EB: a glove kinda thingie?   
CT:D--> It is a prototype.   
CT:D--> The eventual model will encompass the entire body, be armored and interact with your neur001100gical system for ma%imum performance.   
EB: holy shit, you mean like that powerarmor thing we were talking about?   
CT:D--> Yes.   
CT:D--> It took me a while to come up with schemati% but I believe I found something functional.   
EB: oh man, oh god, that’ll be so cool!   
EB: are you really doing this? no joke?   
CT:D--> I do not joke often. I assure you this is not one such an occasion.    
EB: this’ll be so sweet!   
CT:D--> If you wear armor like the one I am making, I shall even allow you to arm wrestle me.   
EB: hahaha, oh man you are going down!   
EB: i am really looking forward to meeting you equius. you seem like a cool guy.   
CT:D--> I…….   
CT:D--> I am looking forward to our meeting as well John.    
CT:D--> I hope it will be a memorable occasion.   
EB: haha, of course it will be!   
EB: anyway, jade needs me for something.   
EB: i hope to talk to you again soon.   
CT:D--> Likewise John.

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering centausTesticle [CT] at 16:59--**

CT:D--> <3

**Author's Note:**

> And then Gamzee went and killed Equius. He is why we can't have nice things.
> 
> First time writing m/m. Didn't quite know what to do with them so figured I'd tackle them getting to know and bounce of each other. 
> 
> Anyway, not exactly like I pictured it, but had some fun writing it.


End file.
